Watching You
by Soulfire Stories
Summary: Cole watches phoebe. set before they found out he was alive.


**Title: Watching You**   
**Author: Soulfire Stories**   
**Summary: Cole watches Phoebe.**   
**Setting: Before Piper and Prue found out Cole was alive.******

**_* Special Note *_****__**

**_The Poem in the story belongs to me. I wrote it myself._******

I watch her from afar, I linger in the background, hiding between a tree or whatever else I can find that will hide my body. I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be dead, gone from ***their*** lives, I, the demon that was trying to kill them, was vanquished by Phoebe. Phoebe. She tells me to stay away... to keep away from her and her family but I can't. As I sit in my darkened pre-hell all I can think of is her.... I wonder what she is doing, who she is with, is she crying? Is she laughing? I peer into the window, trying to find a trace of her, aha I found her... she is sitting in the living room of the Halliwell Manor with her sister Piper, they are talking about something... I wish I could hear what they are talking about, not to hear what the conversation is about, but just to be able to hear her voice. Her beautiful voice, music to my ears. I let a little smile find it's way across my face, her face glows a little bit as she is talking to Piper, no more frowns my beautiful. I wish I could just walk in that house right now and tell her how much I miss her but that kinda migh set her sisters' off that I am still alive and then they would really kill me. But thinking about it... would that be better? It just might be.

Being alive leaves me with all this free time to think of Phoebe Halliwell, and as I sit in the darkness and silence of this dusty hideaway, all I can think about is her, it's torture. For now I see what I can never have, all this time lets me see the harsh reality, that she is untouchable by me, she is just too far away from me, I can never grasp on to her.... it's torture I tell you.

But if I die, the torture will be over, or at least for a little while, then they would torture me in the underworld, in hell. They would remind me what I really** *am***, they would remind me that afterall is said and done, I am still a demon. They would remind me of the crime I have committed... I fell in love... with a witch... a charmed one. They would remind me that she would never love me the way I love her, and that all she could see in me is this god damn awful demon.

So see, it's a lose-lose situation.

**YOU HAVE COMMITTED A CRIME DEMON.... **The words ring in my ears repeatedly and I just want to scream:

**"Don't you think I know that? I was never supposed to fall in love with her!"**

As I watch her from out here in the cold, I try to get inside her head, I try to see what makes Phoebe happy. What would make you smile Phoebe? What can I give you to make you happy? What do you want from me? Please tell me what you want, what would make you happy and I would give it to you in a second. Would walking into that house with a big ass grin on face and screaming:

**"I LOVE PHOEBE HALLIWELL"******

make you happy? If so, I would hop into that house and paint on a shit eating grin on my face and look Prue Halliwell in the eyes and not back away when she raised her hand to use her power on me... I would do that if it would make you happy. I would walk on coals, on my bare feet, if that would please you... but no matter what I do it doesn't matter, because all you see is this damn demon inside me.

For you, I would cast this demon out of my body, I would even call the damn excorist myself and say to him:

**"Make the demon go away"******

I would sit through the pain, through everything, through anything, just to get you to look at me like you used to. I would do anything just to have you smile big and proud at me, I would die for you, I would do anything.

I slink back behind the tree when I see her get up from the couch, she slowly walks over to the window, with so much elegance in her walk, she stops at the window and she looks out. Damn, does she see me? The look on her face gives away the face that she has seen me; I let out the breath I was holding, when she turns around and walks back over to Piper, plopping back down on the couch. I look back in the window, with a confused look on my face... she had seen me, I know it... was she playing with me?

**Serves you right asshole. That is what you did with her in the beginning, you played with her emotions. You deserve everything that comes to you, so shut up and stop whining.******

By the way, if you were wondering, that was my human side speaking to my demon side. Which is which nowadays? Beats me. It's funny I love Phoebe as a human and I love Phoebe as a demon.

**So shut up and stop whining.**

Easier then it sounds, oh human side of mine, easier then it sounds.

**Pathetic Fool....******

Now that was my demon side. My human side and my demon side are having a battle inside of my body, both trying to get control of me, I hope that my human side wins... I hope the human side of me kicks the demon side out.

**_I banishe thee._****__**

I do want to be a human, I never thought I would hear those words but I do! I do want to be a human! Because being a human, gives me the right to love Phoebe. Right now, I have no right to love her. I know what I feel for her is wrong, I know what I am doing is wrong and I know I am wrong... but if the feelings that are coursing through my body are wrong... I rather be wrong then right anyday.

I tilt my head and continue to stare into the window, god she looks so beautiful today, just like an angel, her hair lays upon her shoulders gently, she has a black sweater wrapped around her petite body, and her eyes have a little sparkle in them and I just want so badly to be able to go in there and touch her face, show her how much I love her by just looking into her eyes.

Yes I indeed love Phoebe.... if you just found out that, then all I have to say is :

**"Where have you been? Have you not listened to a word I have said?"******

As all of you are wondering, I love her more then anything, more then me, more then my life, more then this world... more then anything. My feelings for Phoebe are sincere... don't you dare laugh.

I'm not playing games, no more games left to be played, this isn't some kind of scheme, sham, trick or some sort of sick joke... I love her... and the feelings are real. They have always been real, since day "1" but it just took me longer to realize it. Ever since our bodies touched, our lips brushed against one anothers, our fingers intertwined, my heart has belonged to her and I have longed for just "one" more touch... "one" more look... "one" more kiss.

Can I hold you Phoebe? Please say yes. Say I can hold you until you fall asleep in my arms and continue to hold you through the night and until the sun rises. Can I love you Phoebe? Please say:

**"Yes Cole, you can love me. Love me with all the strength in your body, love me with all you think you have and when you think you have no more strength to love with, muster up some more. Love me until the day I die, love me until the day you die, and then after that, love me some more... love me and never stop."******

God damn it I love you! Can you not see that? How could you miss it? It's painted all over my face, it's in my eyes, it's in my voice, it's in my walk, it's under my skin.... the way I love is branded inside of me, leaving a scar. Even years and years from now I will still be able to see the scar and I will know, that this scar, is here because I loved Phoebe Halliwell and I'll be proud of that scar.

I even wrote a poem for you Phoebe, you wouldn't know that because you don't come by and see me anymore, I should have seen it coming, you kept cutting the visits shorter and shorter and then you would skip some visits, saying you were busy... I should have seen that you were pulling away very slowly. I'm not a very poetic person but you inspired me... here it is:

_I watch you from afar_   
_and every moment when our bodies aren't touching_   
_I feel that already broken heart of mine break even more_   
_Is there no cure for a broken heart?_   
_Or maybe a broken soul?_   
_You made me believe._   
_You made me trust again._   
_And then you went away.___

Would you be proud of me if you read it? Would you smile? Would you hug me? I would write a thousand more poems for you, if that is was what you wanted.

**"Pheebs! Piper! I'm home!"**

I almost trip over my own feet as I scramble behind the tree the minute I hear Prue's voice, she is only a few feet away from me, she is unlocking the door and I feel my heart thump louder and harder then it has ever had before... I almost half expect to see Prue to turn around and see me because my heart beat is so hard, but she never does, she finally gets the door open and walks inside the house and then I hear the door slam. I look into the window and see her walk into the living room and then Phoebe gets up... where are you going angel? I let my eyes scan all of the house I can see but I can't see her.

**"Cole"**

I turn around and see her standing right in front of me, I look into her eyes and motion for her to duck, so her sisters' don't see her with me, she nods and ducks at the same time I do.

**"I thought I told you---"**   
I put my hand up interrupting her.   
****"I was just leaving"

And with that I walked off, acting like I didn't hurt when I heard her footsteps disappear as she walked back inside the house, she never came after me....

But I still love her.

Sighing, I walk back into the darkness and silence of my hideaway, just 24 more hours until I go back behind that tree and stare into that window again. 


End file.
